Carrying Trauma

During what seems like a lifetime ago, I visited Mussoorie, India. Mussoorie is a ‘hill station’ in the foothills of the Himalayas. Due to it’s location, the roads though carrying traffic, have are incredibly steep in places. So if walking, one begins to find the incline requiring more than a few extra breaths to cope well. Like varying places around the world, health and safety is not necessarily a feature deemed necessary to always follow in India. Whilst the UK is possibly overly conscious at times, with warnings on cups of coffee suggesting that the contents maybe hot(!?), India, at least during my stay there, perhaps was at the other end of the pendulum!

During one of my hikes downtown, I happened to walk past a man whom I would estimate was at least in his 60’s carrying a 3 tiered metal filing cabinet on his back up the hill. Something told me that this was not his first time… A different journey to Uganda provided a very different sight, which was that of a three seater sofa being carried on the back of a motorbike!

There is something in human nature which is built with a ‘can do’ attitude. Innovation and need (even under force), sometimes lead to some crazy decisions being made! Those experiences have been etched in my mind. When people are forced into a situation, the solutions that they come up with in order to move goods from one place to another are at times somewhat inspiring and at other times, totally crazy (or paagal, as they say in Hindi)! Regardless of the rights and wrongs of those things that I’ve seen on my travels, the things that people end up carrying through their life journey, have led me to wondering how they made it through?

A family in the Bible that went through a great level of distress and trauma was that of the third ‘Patriarch’ of Israel, Jacob. His family account begins in the book of Genesis chapter 29. A glimpse through his story reveals events which had an understandably disturbing effect upon his family’s minds and hearts. From the conception of their life together, disappointment and heartbreak abounded. Leah, following the cultural customs of her father’s family, was thrust into the arms of her husband without him even realising. This led to heartbreak, evident in the birth of her first sons as she named them reflecting the experience she had at that time. These revealed her own questions and the feelings of abandonment which were torturing her soul. Rachel, her sister, who was later married to Jacob too, was tormented by the stigma which childlessness seems to continue impacting people with even to today.

This family in their early years was repeatedly wounded through experiences that overwhelmed, confused and harmed them.

Joseph was the first son that Rachel bore. His story continues to capture the imagination of people today. At his birth, we read that ‘God remembered Rachel’ (Genesis 30:22)(1). One could ask why God had to remember? Is it conceivable that God could have forgotten her? Most certainly, she may have felt this way.

When our prayers are still in the process of being responded to, our understanding might conclude that God has indeed forgotten us.

Perhaps a more helpful interpretation regarding this situation, and consistent with Biblical interpretation(2) is that God ‘brought her to mind’, in a way that made her the subject of His attention in that moment. What would it feel like to know that at a particular moment in one’s life, you suddenly became aware that God was bringing your life into ‘centre stage’? Whilst we might sometimes read the lives of those in scripture as some how other worldly heroes and heroines, the truth of the matter is that Rachel would have felt like anything other than that. Becoming aware that she was on the God’s mind did something wild inside of her. In verse 23, Rachel says, ‘God has taken away my shame’(3).

Imagine being someone the tragedy of taboos, stigmas being carried through life. Some will identify with Rachel’s experience of being maltreated by a father, then the torment of not being able to conceive. The naming of children reveals something of the identity which would have been a part of having children at that time (and indeed still is today); to not share in that experience was for Rachel an excruciating torment. Yet, the Hebrew found in verse 23 is both profound and beautiful. The phrase Rachel used for ‘taken away’ is the Hebrew word (anglicised as) ‘asaph’. The meaning of this word is to meaning is to ‘gather up’(4); it is linked to the process of harvesting. Rachel’s statement is therefore insightful.

A viable translation of her statement bearing in mind this definition of asaph is, ‘God has gathered up my shame’.

Rachel generates a word picture for us which is worthy of being deconstructed so that we can gain from the wealth of her experience. She compares her being to something like a field of wheat. During a point in her life, it felt like her life was ripped apart, cut from it’s root and tossed aside and left in the dust. Her being, this field, felt like it torn to shreds. Research has shown that shame so often journeys alongside trauma(4), and a common concept in trauma theory is that it has a shattering affect upon one’s being(5). Speaking thousands of years in advance of scientific research, Rachel declared that whilst trauma and shame had destroyed her, that God was now scooping up her pain into His healing hands resulting in the healing of her soul. She found relief in knowing that the Lord saw, understood and had a solution for her life’s experience.

We were not designed to carry trauma.

Trauma was not part of the original Creation. But God, who passionately desires to make us whole, has a healing remedy which involves Him carrying our pain. His desire for us just like Rachel discovered, is to find out that we are still very much on God’s mind. He has not, in spite of all that has been endured, forgotten about any detail of our lives. Further, His desire, like Rachel, is to lift the trauma out of our being. Trauma does not belong to us. God is our Father. This Father wants His children to flourish, not be broken. This Father cares God wants to lift us out of our pain, to lift it off of us, and to restore us all through His enriching, extraordinary and healing love. Immanuel, God with us, has come to carry our trauma…

Root this now

A. Read Jacob’s family story in the Scripture. Take time to reflect upon the arduous journey that this family went through. Note the way that God began to interrupt their lives.

B. If this has resonated with you, and you have a desire to begin a journey towards healing, might you consider playing some Christian worship music. Let your heart find safety in the Presence of God and allow the song’s words to connect with your heart.

C. Consider finding a Counsellor or Pastoral Carer willing to help you process your story.

References

1. Genesis 30, Berean Standard Bible

2. Biblehub.com. ‘Zakar’. Found at: https://biblehub.com/hebrew/2142.htm. Accessed: 31/01/2024

3. Abarim Publications. ‘Abarim Publications Biblical Name Vault: Asaph’. Found at: https://www.abarim-publications.com/Meaning/Asaph.html. Accessed 31/01/2024

4. Taylor, T.F., ‘The influence of shame on posttrauma disorders: have we failed to see the obvious?’. Found at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4580708/. DOI: 10.3402/ejpt.v6.28847. Accessed 31/01/2024

5. Janoff-Bulman, R. (1992). ‘Towards a New Psychology of Trauma’. Free Press:New York

New Directions UK Blog.

Sashi Sehgal, February 2024